Resources / Depression / Midlife Crisis or Depression? A Couples’ Guide to Signs
5 min read
Last updated 10/24/25
By: Kelsey Cottingham, MSW, LMSW
Clinical Reviewer: Sam Lookatch, PhD, ABPP
Midlife Crisis or Depression?
A Couples’ Guide to Recognizing the Real Issue
Your partner seems different lately—more withdrawn, restless, or irritable. They talk about feeling stuck or dissatisfied, and maybe even ruminate on the days when they felt younger and more carefree.
When people picture a midlife crisis, they often imagine clichés like buying a sports car or making sudden and drastic changes in their clothing or appearance. But for many couples, the reality looks quieter—and harder to spot, like an unshakable sense of unhappiness or discontentment that seeps into daily life. That confusion leaves many partners wondering, “How do I know if my partner is going through depression or a midlife crisis?”
Understanding the difference between a midlife crisis vs depression can help couples recognize what’s really happening, respond with empathy, and get the right kind of support.
What is a midlife crisis, anyway?
A midlife crisis is often portrayed as a dramatic, impulsive period, but in reality, it’s usually a simmering and deeply personal stage of reevaluating life’s direction.
This cultural–not clinical–term describes the period between roughly, ages 40 and 60, when many people reflect on their identity, accomplishments, and relationships.¹ Common signs of a midlife crisis include:
- Feeling unfulfilled despite outward success
- Comparing yourself to others
- Thinking often about aging or missed opportunities
- Struggling with who you are versus who you thought you’d be
- Increased risk-taking that feels out of character
- Preoccupation with what life means and what matters now
A midlife crisis can look different for everyone. For some, it may show up as restlessness at work or concerns about performance and success. For others, it might appear as emotional exhaustion or questioning long-held caregiving or family roles. These reactions aren’t signs of failure—they’re invitations to realign with what feels meaningful. It is normal and healthy to evolve and with that comes the need to revisit one’s values to intentionally redefine parts of ourselves that need refreshing. Finding healthy ways of coping with midlife changes can transform this phase into an opportunity for growth.²
What depression looks like in midlife
So, what are the signs of depression in midlife? Midlife depression, while not specifically a diagnosable term, can show up as exhaustion, irritability, or emotional distance. Because it also happens around one’s 40’s through 60’s, it’s easy to mistake midlife depression for a midlife crisis. Other symptoms may include:
- Loss of interest in once-enjoyable activities
- Withdrawal from family or social life
- Sleep changes, appetite changes, or unexplained aches
- Psychomotor changes like fidgeting or alternatively, slow response
- Feelings of guilt, hopelessness, or worthlessness
- Cognitive changes with difficulty concentrating and indecision
- Recurrent thoughts of death or suicidal thoughts or plans
Relationships add another layer to this experience. Depression in marriage can look like emotional distance, reduced communication, or conflict over small issues. These symptoms usually last at least two weeks and often interfere with work, home, or connection with loved ones⁴.
Recognizing that depression in midlife is more than dissatisfaction helps couples take it seriously—and get help before disconnection deepens.
Midlife crisis vs depression
Midlife depression affects mood, motivation, and daily functioning.³ It can be difficult to tell whether a partner’s changes reflect a midlife crisis or depression because both happen around the same age, and can cause irritability and withdrawal. But their roots—and what helps—are very different.
Sometimes a midlife crisis can turn into depression if stress or dissatisfaction goes unaddressed.⁵ When reflection turns into hopelessness, or impulsive choices give way to guilt and withdrawal, it’s a sign the issue runs deeper.
Couples can easily misread these changes. A partner seeking excitement may seem selfish, while someone struggling with midlife depression may appear disengaged. Both situations can cause strain and misunderstanding, but awareness helps prevent partners from taking these behaviors personally.
Key differences therapists look for
Midlife transitions are normal and often meaningful, but untreated midlife depression can take a heavy toll on individuals and relationships.
Once couples begin therapy, clinicians use specific markers to distinguish a normal midlife transition from a possible mental health concern.
For depression, therapists often look for:
- Low mood or irritability lasting two weeks or more
- Cognitive changes including indecision
- Suicidal thoughts or plans or recurrent thoughts of death
For a midlife transition, they may notice:
- Impulsive or dramatic decisions
- Short-term dissatisfaction without clinical symptoms
- Curiosity and reflection rather than despair
While both experiences can be painful, midlife depression is more likely to affect daily functioning and relationships. If you’re unsure which you’re facing, exploring therapy resources can help clarify what’s happening and guide next steps.⁶
How couples can respond, together
Whether it’s a midlife crisis, depression, or both, emotional changes in one partner affect both people. How you respond can make the difference between growing apart and growing through it together.
Start with curiosity.
Ask open-ended questions like, “I’ve noticed you seem unhappy lately. How are you feeling about where things are right now?”
Validate feelings.
It’s not your responsibility to fix your partner. Providing empathy and understanding is critical. When they do share with you, responding in a caring manner with, “That sounds really hard,” can go a long way, especially when your own emotions are stirred up, too.
Encourage healthy outlets
Exercise, hobbies, or time with supportive friends can help with coping with midlife changes and reduce emotional strain.²
Set clear boundaries.
It’s okay to allow exploration or reflection while maintaining respect and safety in the relationship. Boundaries aren’t punishment—they protect both partners and the bond you’re working to strengthen.
Watch for red flags.
Risky behaviors, major withdrawal, or talk of hopelessness may indicate midlife depression rather than a passing phase.³
Normalize therapy.
Couples therapy for midlife depression or depression in marriage can help rebuild communication and understanding. Individual therapy can also support each partner’s emotional health and ease anxiety about aging or change.
Avoid saying things like:
“You’re just having a midlife crisis,” or “Snap out of it.”
These comments minimize what’s happening and shut down honest dialogue.
Instead, try supportive statements:
“I’ve noticed you seem more withdrawn lately. I care about what’s going on and want to understand.”
Simple, caring statements like this invite connection and help both partners feel seen.
When to seek professional help
If mood changes last for weeks, interfere with daily life, or involve hopelessness, risky decisions, or thoughts of self-harm, it’s time to reach out to an expert. Seeking support doesn’t mean something is wrong with you—it means you’re ready for clarity and care.
Depression in midlife is highly treatable with therapy, medication, or a combination of both.⁷ A licensed mental health professional can help distinguish normal midlife mental health challenges from midlife depression and guide the next steps. Couples therapy can also help rebuild communication and emotional safety.
Effective treatments include Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and associated therapies, which helps shift negative thought patterns and behaviors; couples therapy to strengthen understanding and communication; and, when appropriate, medication.
Depression in marriage during midlife doesn’t mean a relationship is doomed. With empathy, awareness, and the right treatment, couples can move through this stage stronger and more connected.
If you’re unsure whether it’s a midlife crisis or depression, reaching out for professional help is the best next step.
You don’t have to figure it out alone.
Sources
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